Forgiveness is the only way to move on. If you realize that, you can spare yourself a lot of suffering and pain. Crying about what have happened, blaming yourself for what have happened, glorifying the other person if he or she is concerned… This path does not lead towards happiness and living your life normally.
I think that many of us have been there, me included. We used to cry a lot and go over and over and over the situation and saying to ourselves that “I could have done that and this would not have happened” or “What a b*tch am I to have done that” and so on. This way of dealing with the problem is good for the first few days when you are still very emotional and the situation triggers your deepest insecurities that you tried to conceal so hard. At this stage go cry as much as you possibly can because crying is, in my opinion, the best way to let go of your emotions and to clear your mind of negative thoughts. For me crying is just like that and at some point I notice that I have no more tears to cry with and that I am tired of doing it. I am tired of being sad.
I understand that not everyone is like me and it’s okay. If you see that you still want to cry and that you are slowly sinking into the depths of sadness, maybe try to remember the good things and tell yourself that it’s okay. At this point forgiveness comes in. Everyone makes mistakes and it is okay to make them. We are learning our whole life especially when we are young. Young people learn all the time. Tell yourself that okay I made this mistake but I will never make it again. Treat this situation you cried over as an opportunity to work on and change yourself. Let me give you some examples. Let’s say you let your friend down and you lost his trust and friendship. This can be pretty tough and I understand that because I’ve been there. I lost my best friend because of that. You are crying and crying and crying for a couple of weeks but nothing changes and you’re still miserable and cannot pull yourself together. This is the time to tell yourself that it was okay that you’ve made that mistake and to forgive yourself because only then would you be able to move on and either try to repair that friendship until it is too late or make new ones. You have to understand that in order to continue living your life to the fullest you have to be at peace with yourself.
Maybe I should tell you more about my story so that you get a better picture.
I broke up with my boyfriend aka my best friend at the end of June. We were together for 2.5 years. He told me on That day that I stopped being his best friend in the previous autumn so our fake friendship (almost) lasted for about 8 months. It happened because I told him I had enough of him when he needed my help the most. It was extremely foolish and stupid and after the break up I could not forgive myself. Nevertheless, after about a week or more of being sad and constantly thinking about this thing I told myself that it happened and I cannot reverse that. Ever. Full stop.
You can’t go back in time, can you?
I had to put it at the back of my head and pull myself together. I promised myself though that I will never ever make that mistake again. I do not want to ruin my relationships, I want to build them. This was the first struggle that I encountered after the breakup. The second was that I was left with only one other friend of mine. It actually hit me because when I was going to school, I had a boyfriend and I was attending choir rehearsals I did not realize how little true friends I have. I cried over this for such a long time and at one point I said to myself: “Adela, you have so little friends because you do not take the initiative. Ask someone out, write to them, connect, stop being shy. If you remain the same, you will most likely make no friends needless to say a boyfriend and later a husband. And you want that so bad, so do it.” This was a point when I realized that I have to change myself and be more outgoing. Otherwise I would be miserable my whole life! It is hard for me of course to change myself but I am working on it and it is a process that will not happen overnight. But the most important thing is that I forgave myself.
– I forgave myself that I made that stupid mistake and lost my friend.
– I forgave myself that I was too shy to make friends.
– And I made the resolution to change myself for the better and become who I want to be and stop pitting myself.
As you can see, forgiveness is crucial to a happy life. Without it we would not be able to come out of this pathetic hole of self-pity. But we have to remember that we cannot forgive ourselves and act as if we made no mistakes because we were forgiving ourselves all the time. That is not the case. We have to forgive ourselves in order to enable us to work on our traits that’ve caused that mistake we’d made. This is what you should aim at. Forgiveness with self-improvement. It is called self-love.
Remember that reminiscing the bad situations and mistakes and all that will not give you happiness. You will be stuck in one very miserable point in your life. Do you really want that? Forgive yourself, grow, work on your flaws and insecurities and move on, living your life the way you want to live it – happily and to the fullest.
Peace and love to you all, remember to be kind to every living being and to spread compassion and happiness wherever you go.